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| Cinderblock > Hand |
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This is the basic way I have always self-harmed. I never was much into cutting, it didn't release the things inside. A good beating though. That's always good for what ails you. |
Self harming is an odd thing. You really can't explain it to someone who has never suffered from it. The best I can do is explain from what goes through my mind. You feel like you are about to choke on the anger, rage, and self hate. You have to release it. There has to be a release to stop an eventual explosion. That release is self-harming.
I have never been a cutter. I guess when I was younger and participated in sports it was easier to hide broken fingers, dislocated joints and bruised hands than random cuts on my arms. I always found release by beating brickwalls or anything of the sort till I couldn't lift my arms anymore.
Last night I tried but couldn't fight it off. I had to do something, so I got some cinderblocks and beat the hell out of them. The pain as you punch feels so good. The release. To punish yourself, to feel something other than nothing. To see yourself bleed.
Afterwards was always even more enjoyable, the resetting of fingers and putting things back in joints properly. When you pop a finger back into place it's almost as good as an orgasm.
I can't speak on cutting, but self-harm in general is a about control. I have been looking for resources about how to cope and am not having much luck. |
This excerpt was about the only other decent explantaion I could find. If anyone that drops by reading this has anything they would like to add please feel free to respond in an email to me as I would like to add better information on this subject.
Self-injury is a perplexing phenomenon with many names and abbreviations—deliberate self-harm (DSH), self-harm, self-mutilation, self-inflicted violence (SIV), self-cutting, parasuicide, and self-abuse to name some. Those who come across it—family members, friends, supporters—even many professionals—struggle to understand why people do it, and find the behaviour disturbing and puzzling. Recent reports imply that it is reaching ‘epidemic proportions,’ particularly among young people. Furthermore, research suggests that it is a frequent companion to eating disorders, alcohol and drug abuse, depression, posttraumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder, and dissociative disorders. Those caught in its clutches claim that it is difficult to stop due to its highly addictive nature, or say they are reluctant to try because it helps them ‘feel better,’ ‘more in control,’ ‘more real,’ or simply ‘it keeps them alive.’ |
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